I have a lot of moments of self doubt, of whether or not I’m simply dreaming as I’m trying to pursue my passion. Most days, if I avoid other artists (esp. via the internet), I find myself completely inspired. I can hear a song on the radio and then want to make a simple and sweet greeting card. I’ll see some old Christmas wrap and decide to create a new pattern, all inspired by my surroundings.
But then I have my bad days (as in: right now) where the internet suddenly envelopes me and I find artists who inspire me, yet completely leave me doubting my ability. In frustration, I just threw away 4 sheets of 20+ designs because I got so caught up in comparing my work to someone elses. And while I know that there is creativity in the quirks and the imperfections, it’s extremely hard to feel *good about yourself when you’re trying to break into a space that is SO over saturated with SO many amazing artists.
I know everyday gets better, and I know my best option is to do what works for me without letting the competition affect me, but it’s hard. And it’s esp. hard when it’s just me – all by myself – with no one backing me. I would love to throw my hands in the air and scream out that I AM SO PROUD OF MY WORK that there is no doubt whatsoever, but then I’d just be lying. And I’m not here to lie.
That said.. I better grab those designs out of the recycling. Maybe I’ll feel better about them tomorrow, when the insecurity has settled.
Today is officially my very first Thursday working from home. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself to be honest, but I figured I HAVE to stick to a schedule, otherwise I’d just play with the dogs and waste my day away.
My friends and family all asked me “What are you going to do on your day off??” Day off? Umm no, this is definitely NOT a day off, and I have to remember that always, esp. since I am becoming closer and closer to being self-employed. If I don’t work, I don’t make money. If I don’t make money….. I can’t go to Target
I’ve decided (at least in my head anyway) that my schedule has to stay relatively the same. Currently I still work fulltime 3 days a week as a Marketing Manager, waking up every morning at about 6am. I leave for work around 8am, get to the office at about 9, and always go out for coffee immediately. This morning I got up at 8, made breakfast for Matt, and then did emails / work related items until about 11am. Got dressed and then went out for a few hours. I didn’t go out for any specific reason, just went out to go out. I definitely *need* to be out of the house, even if only for a few hours, and I’ll definitely always get dressed.. even if I go nowhere but downstairs. There’s something about maintaining my normalcy that feels important to me.
Anyway, about an hour or so ago, it literally just clicked in my mind that I am working for myself. WORKING FOR MYSELF. Doing what I love. Living the dream. Yay!