Please excuse my absence – I’ve been out enjoying the sun! It has been breathtakingly beautiful here in Seattle. So excited for Spring now that it’s finally here.
Life and work has been great. Last night I went to an Entrepreneur event that my old company hosts every month, and to be honest, I found myself a little hesitant to go. It’s been about 3/4 months since I’ve seen everyone, and I knew there would be lots of small talk and questions about how I’m doing… how my business is doing… what I’m doing..
Surprisingly (which really shouldn’t even be a surprise), everyone was super supportive, no one even asked how my workload is cause they all assumed it’s going well, and I was even asked to quote several print projects. It’s funny how you can doubt yourself so much when you’re literally surrounded by nothing but support. And the truth is I don’t even know why there is any doubt – I’m doing this, legit doing it. Sometimes I’m so weird… haha.
Anyway, I designed this super cute Flower Girl card for one of my brides, & I loved the poem so much I’m actually going to list the card. For some reason I never think twice about listing the custom work I’ve done, even though I get so many questions about them.
See how amazing the sunshine is??
Life is good. & it’s Friday – which I (honestly) did not know. Working for yourself you just seem to lose track of the days..
It’s officially March, which means I’ve been at this self-employment thing for about 3 months now. And to say that I am grateful is an understatement. The sole fact that I’m okay, that I have constant work, that I’m being picked up in retailers/ boutiques proves that I really can do this. That I AM doing it.
I am so humbled by all of the support, the kindness, the return customers. Living your dream, creating and making work that you are so proud of, the feeling is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. While I’ve always had creative side work, it’s always just been side work. It was never my total income or fulltime gig, and I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. If it seems like I’m in total shock right now, it’s because I (still) am. Sometimes I even catch myself telling people I’m a Marketing Manager… ha! Such a lifetime ago.
Aside from all of that, I’ve been thinking about family a lot lately. While I am so happy about my business, I definitely didn’t plan for any of this – being 30 and not married, with no kids and no health insurance. I never thought I’d quit my job and put everything I’ve always wanted on hold, while I figured out… life. It’s scary to be in my shoes and worry that life will pass me by, and before I know it I’ll be 40 with an amazing job I’ve created – but have nothing else to show for it. The truth is that if i hadn’t left my job, if I was still in my plush gig, I’d probably be thinking about really *trying* for a baby & getting married right now. I’m not really sure what else to say about any of that – because this is ultimately what I chose. I guess some days that reality is just harder to swallow than others…
Anyway – enough of that.
Happy Sunday, friends.
I figure it’s impossible to have a blog where I document my road to self-employment without telling the whole truth. I can’t mention all of the good and opportunities but then intentionally forget about all of the… not so good.
The truth is I’m in a slump. Maybe it’s a momentary thing, but it doesn’t quite feel that way.
Since coming back from our Hawaii trip, things have been a whirlwind. I had way more to do than I could contain, and immediately after I hosted a party at my home for my best friend’s 30th birthday. Between all of that and all of my shop orders, I probably spent more in packaging/ shipments + decor than I made that entire week. Now it’s Monday, and I’m doing my finances and I can’t help but cringe a little knowing that I was so frivolous… and knowing that my business taxes are due in about a week.
Don’t get me wrong, working for myself has been the biggest blessing I’ve ever experienced, and I know that I can’t take any of the good without the bad. But in all my time freelancing, I’ve never worried about money. I had the luxury of working an amazing lush fulltime job, while making tons of extra cash on the side. I always had both, so paychecks and lump sums just came in regularly. That’s not the case anymore, and I chose it to be this way.
It’s without saying that I have to give up a lot in order to truly get what I want in life, and where I want to be. This is just such unfamiliar territory for me. Worrying about my next big project and when it’ll come. Worrying about shop orders and how much I’m going to make that week. Worrying about my savings account as it continues to dwindle.
Ultimately, I chose this. And I knew all of this was possible – and I knew that it may/ may not work out for me. I just have to ride it out. <3